Why I cannot visit a pet store…


I CANNOT stop adopting animals!

The first dog we adopted, Egg, we rescued from the SPCA in Florida.  He was underweight, but had tons of love to give.  He was so grateful to us.  Thankfully, he didn’t come with other baggage, well, except that he cannot resist garbage sandwiches .

About a year ago I decided that it would be great to have two dogs.  After much hesitation, my other half agreed.  We adopted Olive from the AAWL in Arizona.  She is very timid, but the most loving and loyal dog you will ever meet!  I am so happy with her and the two dogs get along just fine.

About three months ago we were moving out of our house and a couple of kids needed to get rid of their puppy because he was too much to take care of.  My heart melted for this little fellow and I couldn’t resist him!  So, here we are with three doggies.  Egg could care less about the new additions, Olive was obsessed with Mallow (the third doggie) for a couple of days and Mallow was quite the handful.  But I love him, he’s my little buddy.

Today, we had to take Egg to the vet…and there was a kitten who needed to be adopted.  I begged and begged and begged…and we left the house with three dogs, and came back with three dogs and a cat!  He is so tiny and precious.  His name is Meatloaf (what else would it be?!) and he hates all the dogs.  But they will all get used to each other soon.

I love them all and if it were up to me, I would move to Nebraska, buy a farm and have ALL of the animals!!!

I don’t care, not my problem…


So, I finally quit my shit ass job…no I don’t have another job lined up…yes I have a couple of interviews.  I feel so irresponsible, but it was something that had to be done.  So after months of speaking with my other half, we decided that this was the best option.

Oh, did I mention that I am quitting two weeks before the busiest season of the year?  Hehehe.

A lot of companies renew their insurance on the first of the year.  10,000 of our clients actually, and I don’t care, it’s not my problem.

People keep asking me “What are you going to do about January renewals?”  “Nothing, I won’t be here.”  They ask me why I don’t care and how can I just pass this on to someone else.  Well, why didn’t you care about me the whole time I worked here?  How could you pass on your shit work to me?  This company did nothing for me and in return I am leaving you with all of this shit work that you never wanted to do.  Deal with it.

My job does not define my life, I am a person outside of this place and when I am here I feel like a robot.  Better yet, I feel like a ghost.  I have no soul when I am here, no laughter, no sense of humor.  No one sees me when I am here.  The only time that any co-workers have expressed any concern is when I declared that I am quitting right before the busiest time for the company. 

My new manager is ‘meeting-happy’ she will schedule a meeting for everything.  I joked with Travis last week that she will want to have a meeting about my resignation.  As soon as I logged in this morning, there was a meeting request to “go over this resignation letter”.  Does she want to critique my letter writing skills?  Oh shit, did I accidentally send her the one that said “Fuck you, you’re fat, I quit”??  Either way, doesn’t matter.  I don’t care, not my problem.

I feel so good about this!  And, my virtual assistant business is up and running (it won’t be a main source of income) and I have already had a few calls.  Thanks to networking and great advice from friends.  So, if you like your phone messages and data spreadsheets to come with a side of sarcasm, feel free to contact me!  I really am professional, I swear!!  Believe me!  Why don’t you believe me?

Now, what should I do to entertain myself for two weeks?  Pop Culture Trivia, you say?


My Online Business Sure Could Use You!


I finally started my own virtual assistant business, CBarette VA.  It is something that I have been thinking about for a very long time and I kept making excuses as to why I could not get this going.  I took a day off of work last week and just started working!  I got my website up and running (which still needs lots of work) and started networking with other small businesses.  I can’t believe I have waited so long.

For several years I have been assisting small business owners, friends and family with their everyday business needs, but decided that I could start my own business and help even more people.  What does virtual assistant mean, you ask?  Well, I do all the crap that you don’t want to do.  Or, I do what you don’t have time to do.  Those of you who are business owners know how hard it is to balance office work, marketing your business and spending time with your family.  I can help with some of this, I can do anything from data entry to schedule maintenance.  Anything that a typical secretary or administrator would do, I can do!

Business owners have been saving money for quite some time by hiring a virtual assistant.  Instead of hiring a receptionist or admin, you can pay a VA only as needed.  We all know that there is a lot of down time for admins in the office and they may not always have work to keep them busy.  With a VA you only pay per hour when there is some work for me to do.  Also, I pay my own taxes, have my own health benefits and don’t expect 401K matches or bonuses.  Visit my website to see a breakdown of how much business owners can save.  CBaretteVA.com.

There is a lot that I am good at, and I want you to see for yourself.  Visit my website, email me at Admin@CBaretteVA.com or call or text (480) 254-1009.  Please pass this information along to anyone you think I may be able to assist.  Remember, there is a discount for first time clients.

Oh yea, about that fast…


I completely forgot that I wrote a blog about my fast, then I went on vacation and I didn’t even remember fasting!  Well, of course before I went on vacation I had to end the fast because who goes home for Thanksgiving and doesn’t eat?

Up until that point I felt great!  I had a lot of energy and I tried a lot of new fruits and vegetables.  Stuff that would be great on grilled chicken too!  I am happy that I did this and would do it again sometime.  However, it is important that anyone else who decides to fast listens to their body.  Don’t push yourself too far. I did get to one point where I was running hot, I was clammy and felt weak.  I knew that it was time to eat.  Luckily, this was just one day before my goal of a two-week fast.  Honestly, I didn’t think I would even make it that far.

So, the first thing I ate was a hot pocket.  After I ate it I was so disappointed with myself, but it tasted SO good!  Of all the things I could eat, I chose the unhealthiest snack in the whole house!  But I instantly felt much better.  I still hadn’t had a Coke or anything like that, but I promised myself that if I was proud of my hard work I would have Chipotle for dinner!

Ok, so the day after the fast we are not on to a good start!  I now have had a hot pocket and Chipotle!  Where are all the vegetables?  Where is the fruit juice for breakfast?  It was time to pull myself together and remember why I did all of this.  I bought healthy snacks for the road trip and attempted to leave fatty foods behind and replace it with great nutrients and low calories…notice the key word “attempted”.

Now, here is where I REALLY get in trouble…home.  There is a Chinese restaurant in Michigan that I dream about!  Of course we had to go there, I had lunch with my dad and had a club sandwich, my grandma made me ground bologna sandwiches and kettle popcorn.  AND then we have the Thanksgiving feast…yams with marshmallows, stuffing, gravy made of 100% turkey fat and drippings and wine, liquor,  beer!  Oh my! 

Now, I am back home and trying once again to start a healthier diet.  So far, I am not doing so bad.  I am still drinking a ton of water and cutting WAY back on fatty snacks.  Once again, I am glad that I did this because I learned that something healthy is way more satisfying because I felt better after eating instead of feeling tired and bloated.  Now, if I could only get Travis to lay off the Coke and hot dogs…

Fast – Week One


I had originally planned on writing about my fast each day, or every other day, but I haven’t been able to. I started fasting last Sunday. I am fasting for several reasons, but to each his own, right?  Here are the highlights from this past week.

Travis is totally supportive even though he thinks it is crazy.  Everything he eats he has to come in and tell me how good it is!  I think it’s funny though.  And one of those reasons I am fasting is to learn self discipline.  I need him to taunt me so I can learn to control myself.  That food will be there for me later when I am actually hungry.  He was eating a hot dog and I totally wanted to rip it out of his hands…but I have NEVER liked hot dogs, that’s how it goes the first few days of a fast.  Everything sounds so good.  Even though I am full, I am still not getting that satisfaction from a fattening meal or a salty snack.

So, day one, of course, was really difficult.  I felt like I was dying.  Ok, not really, but I was miserable.  Especially when you drive past a McDonald’s.  And McDonald’s isn’t even a favorite fast food joint of mine.  Just like I said before, you crave weird things.  I wanted peanut butter, I remember, and I almost got into the pantry and ate the whole jar.  But before I cheat on my fast I need to remember why I am doing this.  I can’t just give in to myself.

Self discipline is not the only reason I am doing this.  It’s also to “cleanse” and feel better.  The first couple of days were hard, and going to work and smelling everyone’s lunches made it all the more difficult.  But now that I am past that hump I feel great!  Yesterday I had so much energy and I was so happy. Not being bogged down by all of those preservatives and fattening foods is really an eye opener.  Just after a few days of fasting and only drinking raw juices or green tea makes you realize how much crap food manufacturers put in your meals.  You think “Was I really tired all of that time from food?”  Something that is supposed to bring you energy, something that is necessary to live is also slowing you down.  Well, it’s not just that; it’s the type of food we are eating.

I am not going to kill myself, I know my limits.  When I do need to eat I have raw vegetables.  Broccoli and spinach leaves are my favorite.  And now, all I need is a handful of some green vegetable and I feel awesome.  I feel full if I mix that with tea and am fully energized again.  Also, I have been making my own fruit juice to drink.  It is satisfying, of course I would love to grill up some chicken, but the fruit juice will do.

Today, the 5th day of my fast, I still feel amazing.  So far today I drank a metric shit ton of water, I had a cup of green tea in the morning and later today I might have some raw green beans for dinner if I feel hungry.  I can see the color coming back to my face, the bloating is long gone, even though I probably have a lot more water weight.  I woke up early in the morning on my own, something I never do, and I still have plenty of energy for the rest of the day.  For Travis’ lunch, he packed a sandwich and I usually sneak a bite of it, but I really wasn’t craving it.  I opened the pantry to get my green tea and saw the Doritos and they really did not sound good to me.  Could this really be working?  By feeling happier from bits of raw veggies and fruits am I curving my appetite to crave something a little healthier?

I know that once I am finished fasting my body will not automatically crave healthy things, I will need to work on it.  By reaping the benefits of eating healthy now, I will remember how great it felt when I was fasting and how crappy I felt when I was eating whatever I wanted.  Once I am no longer fasting I will not be a health freak, but I will be more careful and will have a more balanced diet.  I am really proud of myself, I am glad I proved that I can do this…for five days at least.

Ode to Tyler


I love songs and scents that bring back a memory; whether it be a sad time in your life or something that brings a smile to your face.  I heard a song today that reminded me of a person I knew a few years back, his name was Tyler.  I worked with him and for some reason I felt the need to protect him; I also loved him.

I was the HR Assistant of a Business to Business Sales company and he was part of the sales team.  I was already in a relationship with another man, but if  I had been single I would have dated Tyler.  We connected on an emotional level and had this strange attraction; we both knew we had a crush on one another, but also knew that it would never work. 

I was about 19 and he was in his mid-twenties, he had battled a heroin addiction when he was in his teens and was struggling to keep clean.  The job helped him because he worked sometimes 12-hour days, but the trouble was when he was at home.  He lived with his mother who was also a drug addict and sometimes verbally abusive when he couldn’t loan her any money.  I felt sad for him, this kid was trying to do the right thing but it seemed like everything was against him.

One day before I went to lunch he asked me to do him a favor.  He had to pick his mom’s car up from the dealership where his ex girlfriend worked.  He asked if I would go, hold his hand, and pretend to be his girlfriend.  Of course I said yes!  It was just ten minutes of pretend-dating, but it was the best ten minutes I had ever spent with him.  He expressed multiple times that he would marry me in a minute and I told him I would say yes.  Of course, this was all just innocent flirting, but it gave me something to dream about.

Tyler and I took out a new salesman and after about an hour the man decided that he didn’t want to be a business to business sales person. I agreed, I wouldn’t want to do it either.  The only two reasons I went into the field was to keep Tyler out of trouble and to get out of that stuffy office.  So, we drove the man back to the office and Tyler and I went back out into the field.  This was the first time I ever joined Tyler, this was also the first time we had ever been alone together.  My heart fluttered a little.  I wondered if I had the strength to keep it G rated.  I could tell that there was a little tension, Tyler would bring up random and un-interesting subjects just to get a conversation started.  By the end of the day, we managed to keep it professional; we learned a lot about each other and really connected as friends.

My boss had wanted to fire him several times due to low sales, but I had talked him out of it every time.  I tried to stay professional, but I truly didn’t want to lose my friend.  Sometimes I would request to go into the field with Tyler to “train him” but I really wanted to ensure that he sold everything so the boss man would get off of his back.  It frustrated me because Tyler knew he was on the verge of losing his job but didn’t strive to do better.  As a young man with no prior experience in a town where half of the population was unemployed he would have a rough time finding a new job.  So, I would sell all of his products and he would end up wandering into a store or down the street.  He was not motivated; he just let me do the work for him and I allowed him to take advantage of me.

Often times we would drop the products off at his house and he would “pay” for the items to make it look like he sold everything that day.  Then at night he would go back out and try to unload everything.  Months later I found out that he was selling products at a higher price, this made me furious.  He was no longer the man just trying to make it, he was the man who wanted to make it with as little work as possible.  I no longer stood up for Tyler.

Years later, when my boyfriend and I broke up, I wondered why I never dated Tyler.  I wished that I had at least given it a chance, just the thought of Tyler made me happy.  But, I realized, the thought of him is all I need.  Chances are, something would have happened to make me think of Tyler differently; I might have hated him at the end of our relationship, I might have tried to run him over with my car.  I am glad things worked out the way that they did because I am with my soul mate today, and I can still think of that wonderful boy I met when I was 19.  Not that insane idiot who ruined my life!

I Heard Circle K Is Hiring


My co-worker, we’ll call her Brenda, and I sat around for an hour thinking of ways to get fired today. See, Brenda, accepted another job offer but she would prefer to get fired so she can get her severance pay. So, if sitting around for an hour didn’t get us fired, we tried to come up with another idea.

We thought about sending an email to the whole office complaining about HR or a manager, or even the CEO. Then I would reply to the whole office adding to that complaint; and make sure to use plenty of profanity and offensive language. We could come in to work drunk, but I really don’t think anyone would notice. Or we could talk over the intercom system about embezzlement. I read online that someone suggested sneaking into the boss’s office Friday night, dial a 900 number then leave the phone off the hook all weekend and leave a note saying “I needed to use your phone for privacy.”

I hate my job so much that I would rather get kicked in the face by a horse. I would rather have dinner with Donald Trump.







Yea, it’s that bad. I come in late, I surf the web all day, I even apply for other jobs from work. I am doing all of the right things…to get fired…but it’s not working. Perhaps it’s for the best because I truly would be thrilled devastated to lose my job.